u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
