Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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