Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
