jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
