i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
