just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
