You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize