this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
