Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
