Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
