I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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