i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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