She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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