Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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