i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
