You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
