Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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