Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
