You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
