i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my being single is dangerous.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
