i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
