One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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