So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
