is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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