first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
