Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she looked like the before picture.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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