This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
