who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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