Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's official drugs can't kill me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
