hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize