I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
