I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
