____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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