I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
