Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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