I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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