I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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