i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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