theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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