guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
