brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
