Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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