Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize