Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
