Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
