1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
