I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
