so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
