college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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