Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
