i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
