omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
