You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
