i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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