sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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