Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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