There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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