someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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