I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize