He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
