I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
