did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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