You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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