someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
