If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
