I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
